Feeling nothing means feeling scared

Today is day 9 post insemination. I’m scared that maybe it didn’t work because I’m not feeling any different. I feel like just the same old me only just a bit more insane with the talking to myself thing. I know that every woman is different and every pregnancy is different but I keep thinking that it’s been 9 days shouldn’t I be feeling slightly different?

Having done 3 cycles before this current cycle, you would think that I would just accept that if it happens then it happens. But for this cycle, I just feel like it HAS to happen.

This morning, I forgot to take my Crinone. Instead of calling my doctor, I decided to Google and read forums. My lesson today? I should have just called my doctor. I’m reading about all sorts of women who forgot to take it and miscarried. What am I doing now you ask? Freaking out. I did however find a few forums where women just say that missing 1 dose isn’t going to be that harmful. Either way because I’m currently on the path of insanity, I’m still freaking out.

Don’t ask me why this cycle just feels so different to me. Don’t ask me why I feel like this is now or never. I really don’t know. Maybe I’m just that desperate to be a mother. Maybe it’s finally getting to me that so many people I know are pregnant and I feel left out.

I know that if God wants it to happen, He’ll make it happen but as a human being (and a whiney one at that!), I want it now.

Also… I miss coffee. Decaf is not the same.

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