All we can do is hope and pray…

Trying since… Monitoring cycles IUI cycles Medications
August 2012 Will get the numbers
from my Dr. shortly
  • Clomid
  • Femara
  • Menopur
  • Prometrium
  • Glumetza (Metformin)
  • HCG injection

I feel that sometimes it’s just easier to write what I’m feeling. I have trouble expressing myself verbally. Sometimes I wish I had a mirror in front of my face when I spoke. My facial expressions definitely do not match what I am trying to express and I guess my tone doesn’t either. With written words, I feel that I can better express myself without having to worry about being judged or saying the wrong thing. 

Here we go…

I’ve been reading numerous articles on infertility and polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and many of them suggested blogging as a way of relieving stress and being able to express feelings that you have to hold back on sharing. A few reasons why I’m concerned: 1) not many people know that we’re trying to conceive or have been trying for 2 years (people probably think we like the DINK (double income, no kids) situation); 2) I didn’t really want people to keep asking how it’s going (although, there are a select few who know and I always welcome their questions and they know who they are) and 3) people knowing what I’ve done and what lengths I would go through just to have a child.
One of the greatest pros though is that I can write what I am feeling without the judgement of others (except those reading this of course) and to prevent myself from snapping at people who only mean well by giving me advice that although I will appreciate after the fact, I may not appreciate at the time.

Our love…

My husband and I love kids. We adore them and that’s what we’ve always imagined for ourselves over the past 12 years that we’ve been together. Ever since we were in high school, we would talk about what our family would be like and we’ve latest known that 4 is our special number. We’ve also had our first son’s name picked out since first year university. Kids has always been a part of our equation. We would talk about what sports our kids would play, what instruments they would play, how spoiled they would be (their grandparents, 2 aunts and 2 uncles… We know that our kids will be spoiled). We’ve also discussed how we would discipline our kids and our responsibilities as parents.
Planning for this for most of our lives has been amazing. The fact that the both of us are on the same page and have the same ideals is what makes us an amazing couple. Sounds nauseous doesn’t it?
It really pains me that I’m the one blocking our hopes and dreams from coming true. I have an amazing husband that always tells me that it’s ok and he knows that one way or another, we WILL have children. It’s really hard when I know that every time I get disappointed that this month is not the month, he gets disappointed too. I know that he tries to stay strong to keep me strong. My husband is the glue that holds us together.

Our journey so far…

We have been trying since August 2012. I was diagnosed with PCOS which has made me balloon since university and it has been really tough to lose the weight that I need to lose. PCOS = the disease that makes weight loss and having a baby near impossible. We’ve gone through 5-10 cycles of monitoring with clomid and femara and then 2 cycles of IUI. We’re allowed 6 cycles of IUI and we only have 4 left. I’m getting really scared at this point.
But that’s our journey so far… Hope you can continue joining us and keeping us in your prayers!


  1. anonymous | 20th May 14

    You two have each other to lean on and that is the most important part. You both want children, have the same ideals and will provide these children with love, what more can be asked for?
    This will happen for you, as you said. It may not be the ideal way you wished for, but it will happen, and the children will be loved no matter what.
    The people close to you are trying to help, but unless they’ve been dealing with this themselves, it would be hard to even begin to comprehend what you are going through and to give you the proper advice.
    The steps you are taking are the right steps. It would be scary to be down to 4 our of 6 IUI runs left.
    All I can say is, continue to be as positive as you are, talk lots with your husband, as well as blogging, to keep the stress down – as it is both conscious and subconscious at this point.
    The more you think about it, the more stress flows through you, and your body won’t perform at it’s best under stress.
    It’s hard when every minute is already pre-planned for you in these instances, you can only think positively. Maybe imagine how it will be like when you do have the kids, and relish in those feelings for a while instead of focusing so much on getting that child?
    All the best. This will happen for you,

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