Day 15… I have to start thinking…

So, Day 15… 1 follicle is at about 1.3 cm and I have another small follicle. My ultrasound technician made me laugh for the first time by telling me that my right ovary is lazy and sleeping lol. It’s always my left that responds. The fertility nurse said that my M.O. is to move along super slowly and that I take my time. I wish I didn’t but my ovaries and reproductive system just doesn’t seem to cooperate.

Although the technician was finally talkative today, I didn’t really get such great news. I was told that my husband and I should start thinking about IVF. If things keep moving along like this, by the summertime we should consider it. It’s pretty devastating because IVF costs so much money. Is it really bad that I’m willing to start selling everything just to have 1 baby? Maybe the hubby can start giving up his collectibles? … maybe?

I’m on my 6th Menopur injection today… this is a record for me. Normally, it’s between 3-5… let’s just hope that I don’t get handed a 7th on Thursday when I go back to the clinic. With all the drugs that I’m on, I am just starting to feel so drained. I’ve been snapping at people a lot and my tolerance levels are just so low. I’m just starting to feel so unmotivated and angry all the time. I’m a zombie… when people talk to me, I just sound very lifeless. All you fertile women, I envy you for having all the necessary hormones!

Why is this process so hard for two people that are so deserving? It just doesn’t seem fair. I can sit and complain all day long about how unfair this can be but sadly, that’s not going to really get me anywhere.

On another note…

I’ve also been told that losing about 10-15 lbs would help me with my fertility which, I know is true. So… all the information I got today has set a fire in me. If I really want this baby, I need to really start to fight. And battle number 1 is against myself. I’m a major foodie… I will eat until my heart is content. I always use the term “eat with my eyes” because, yes, that is what I do. I really don’t know how to stop. My grandpa always says, “Eat like the Japanese do. When it starts to get good, stop.” Sadly, I keep going.

So, as I said before, I was reading the Overcome PCOS Guidebook, and the 5 foods to avoid are: bread, pasta, corn, potatoes and rice. This is all going to be really hard but I’m happy that I have a husband who will give up some of these items with me… within reason.

So for the baby, I’m going to try to ween off of these 5 foods. Quitting things cold turkey has never been my forte. So the plan of attack is to stop slowly 🙂

I will also be exercising. Women with PCOS should focus on weight training. So I’m going to be hardcore which means sucking it up and going to the gym. I told my husband that he’ll just have to drop me off at the gym after work and if I refuse to workout then I’ll have no choice but to walk home…

I’m not really great at commitments. The only real commitment I’ve kept is my husband… other than that, I’m known to quit. But this is for my future child and for my husband who wants this child as badly as I do. So I have one future little person and one present person counting on me. There is no room for excuses and no room for a quitter in this next leg of my fertility battle.

So… I really need encouragement from everyone… I also need a good smack if I make excuses to quit!

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